How To Lose 5 Pounds In 12 Hours

Step 1: Weigh yourself. Take note of your weight.

Step 2: Eat something that will give you food poisoning (or drink lake water, or piss off the Baby Jesus, or I don't really know what happened)

Step 3: Vomit profusely for 5 hours

Step 3a: Attempt to stay hydrated by drinking water

Step 3b: Call "Ralph" on the "Big White Telephone" - expelling the water you just drank

Step 4: Weigh yourself. Amazing! You now weigh 5 pounds less.

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That's right, folks. Instead of reveling in the glory of being a newly minted triathlete, I spent yesterday evening praying to the porcelain god. I'm feeling better today, but haven't been brave enough to eat anything. More 7up, please...

4 Days, 17 Hours, 14 Minutes

Not that anyone's counting.

But HOLY CRAP. I'm going to run a marathon in 4 days, 17 hours, 14 minutes.

Operation Freak The F' Out has officially commenced.

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The cold still lingers. I am still feeling phlegm-tastic and cough a bit here and there, but it has been filed under the "manageable" category. I am confident that I'll be 100% by Saturday.

I'm still doping up on vitamin C, zinc, fruits, veggies, protein (if you are what you eat, I am slowly morphing into tofu), water, and sleep. I'm treating my body right. It's the only one I've got. And I'm going to put it through the ringer on Saturday so I'm trying to be nice now so it will forgive me this weekend.

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I was going to meet Jumper after Saturday's race, but he took a nasty spill and broke a few bones. Go give him a virtual hug.

Fighting Fire With Fire

The cold must be stopped. So last night, I pulled out the big guns. I'm not messing around anymore. I mean business. You're not the boss of me, stupid virus.

And so I went to bed at 6:30pm. For real. I got home from work and crawled into bed. I crashed. Asleep instantaneously.

Okay...I did get up for about an hour at 10pm to suck down a protein shake and read a few blogs (the Internet owns my soul), but I was back in bed in no time. I normally have trouble falling asleep after a nap of epic proportions, but not last night.

Which means that I got 12 hours of sleep last night. I woke up this morning feeling fresh as a daisy.

A daisy with a COUGH. But I must admit, I am feeling much, much, much better. Thanks for your sound advice and your well wishes. I'm on the mend. I can feel it.

Sick, Sick, Sick

I Am Still Sick.

And it's making me a little nervous.

It started over a week ago Friday with a little tickle in my throat.

By the end of Saturday, after my 22-miler, my voice was gone.

I started coughing on Sunday.

Monday was awful. I went into the office but left early because my coughing was driving my co-workers (and myself) crazy.

I worked from home on Tuesday because the cough was still atrocious. Saw a doc in the morning - she said it was just a cold and would last about five days. I attempted a hill workout in the evening. FAIL.

My voice was still shot on Wednesday and I was still coughing, but I was starting to feel better...and guilty that I was out of the office so much. So I went into the office. I got lots of comments from co-workers that I sounded like crap.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Each day I would say, "Tomorrow I will talk normally." A co-worker suggested I pick up a second job as a phone sex operator.

It's Tuesday. I'm not talking normally. I'm still coughing. I'm still feeling tired.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

I've been taking Vitamin C. Drinking tea. Getting plenty of sleep. Eating fruits and veggies. Drinking lots of water. Praying to the Baby Jesus.

When will this end??

I was in Kansas City last weekend and got a 6-miler in on Saturday. I had 13 on the schedule but it was hot and humid - I stepped outside and spontaneously combusted. So I only ran 6. I was going to run 13 last night, but felt so worn down from work that I thought going to bed early might be a better idea.

My dilemma. Do I shoot for 13 tonight...or just resume my regular taper-ish workouts this week...and...(gasp!) Skip The Long Run? Does my body need more rest? Or does it need a kick in the pants?

Grandma's Marathon is TEN DAYS AWAY.

What Should I Do??