Last week I learned how to make homemade pasta.
Homemade pasta!! I KNOW.
I don't think you understand how dangerous this is. Homemade pasta? Is like...like...cocaine wrapped in bacon wrapped in chocolate. THAT GOOD.
So I headed over to Jen and Mark's. Mark is my personal Pasta Jesus.
We mixed the ingredients. Rolled them into a ball. Kneaded the dough.
And it was game time.
Time to roll out the dough.
That's how I roll
Mark is an excellent teacher. He is very calm. Relaxed. Gives great instructions. And tells me to Calm The Fuck Down when I have a mini-freakout because I think my dough looked funny. Uh, not that that happened. Me? Freak out? Pffftt.
Right as I was getting the hang of it, Cindy and Kim showed up. Perfect! Just in time for me to dazzle them with my madd pasta skillz.
They also wanted to learn how to make pasta, so the student became the teacher. Watch out, ladies. Professor Ally is in the house.
No, you do it like THIS
I? Am not an excellent teacher. I am spastic. Twitchy. I Give horrible instructions and I Freak The Fuck Out when their dough looks funny. Mark? Mark?? Can you take a look at this dough??
Mark said things like, "You might want to try rolling the bigger end first so the dough rolls out into a rectangle"
I said things like, "No, no, NOOOO! That's all wrong!! Put the fat end in first, otherwise it will be like when you put on a tight pair of pants and things splooge all over the place."
Mark said things like, "After you've rolled the dough a few times, you'll want to think about getting it into a rectangle shape so we can roll it out for cutting."
I said things like, "You'll just know when the dough is ready. Because you'll kind of want to pet it. Do you want to pet it?? Yes? Okay. It's smooth, isn't it? Okay. Now think about your rectangle."
Mark said things like, "You're doing a great job."
I said things like, "Dudes, I could totally kick your ass in a pasta making contest."
And then it was time to cut the dough.
And hang it on the rack.
Nice Rack
And then boil it and EAT IT.
Yummmmm
We had a delightful dinner (I had to remind everyone a few time that the pasta? The pasta that we were eating? I MADE IT)...and before I knew it, the clock struck 9:30 and we had to go. So I put on my winter gear and was getting ready to head out, when Mark announced that he had a door prize for me.
My very own pasta maker.
Dude, really? REALLY? DUDE!!!
You can practically hear my excited squeal through the Internet
I HAVE MY VERY OWN PASTA MAKER.
AND ALSO? I HAVE MY VERY OWN PASTA MAKER.
And did you hear that I HAVE MY VERY OWN PASTA MAKER?
Homemade pasta!! I KNOW.
I don't think you understand how dangerous this is. Homemade pasta? Is like...like...cocaine wrapped in bacon wrapped in chocolate. THAT GOOD.
So I headed over to Jen and Mark's. Mark is my personal Pasta Jesus.
We mixed the ingredients. Rolled them into a ball. Kneaded the dough.
And it was game time.
Time to roll out the dough.
That's how I roll
Mark is an excellent teacher. He is very calm. Relaxed. Gives great instructions. And tells me to Calm The Fuck Down when I have a mini-freakout because I think my dough looked funny. Uh, not that that happened. Me? Freak out? Pffftt.
Right as I was getting the hang of it, Cindy and Kim showed up. Perfect! Just in time for me to dazzle them with my madd pasta skillz.
They also wanted to learn how to make pasta, so the student became the teacher. Watch out, ladies. Professor Ally is in the house.
No, you do it like THIS
I? Am not an excellent teacher. I am spastic. Twitchy. I Give horrible instructions and I Freak The Fuck Out when their dough looks funny. Mark? Mark?? Can you take a look at this dough??
Mark said things like, "You might want to try rolling the bigger end first so the dough rolls out into a rectangle"
I said things like, "No, no, NOOOO! That's all wrong!! Put the fat end in first, otherwise it will be like when you put on a tight pair of pants and things splooge all over the place."
Mark said things like, "After you've rolled the dough a few times, you'll want to think about getting it into a rectangle shape so we can roll it out for cutting."
I said things like, "You'll just know when the dough is ready. Because you'll kind of want to pet it. Do you want to pet it?? Yes? Okay. It's smooth, isn't it? Okay. Now think about your rectangle."
Mark said things like, "You're doing a great job."
I said things like, "Dudes, I could totally kick your ass in a pasta making contest."
And then it was time to cut the dough.
And hang it on the rack.
Nice Rack
And then boil it and EAT IT.
Yummmmm
We had a delightful dinner (I had to remind everyone a few time that the pasta? The pasta that we were eating? I MADE IT)...and before I knew it, the clock struck 9:30 and we had to go. So I put on my winter gear and was getting ready to head out, when Mark announced that he had a door prize for me.
My very own pasta maker.
Dude, really? REALLY? DUDE!!!
You can practically hear my excited squeal through the Internet
I HAVE MY VERY OWN PASTA MAKER.
AND ALSO? I HAVE MY VERY OWN PASTA MAKER.
And did you hear that I HAVE MY VERY OWN PASTA MAKER?
Labels: I love food, My Friends are F'ing Cool
10 Comments:
That was hilarious.
Congrats on your mad pasta making skillz. That gift is totally going to come in handy now, huh? :)
Three things:
1. This was hysterical.
2. That bowl of homemade past looks unbelievably delicious.
3. When can I come over?
Haha. You said "splooge" and "rack."
Now that you are such a pro you have to experiment with all those crazy flavored pastas and post recipes for me to try and ultimately screw up. :-)
I am dying here . . . absolutely DYING! A co-worker just came into my office to see what was so damn funny . . . I'm starting to think I should have made something up instead of saying, "I'm reading this running blog and one of my RBFs wrote this post about making homemade pasta . . . and it's just so so funny!"
I feel special. And I'm seriously jealous of your madd pasta skillz . . .
as always, effing HI-larious! you could not possibly rock any more. what a great night even for being a few hours long! thanks for being you! mark is going to love this post :) and he is still doing his groove thing with the gel nimbus 10's :)
Yum homemade pasta. What could be better? Homemade pasta by Ally.
There should be a blog award for this!
You are a funny funny woman. I am so flattered. I've never been anyone's Jesus before. Sounds to me like you have your first class pretty well lined up. Let me know how that goes.
Awesome! Making pasta looks so fun (and delicious)!
i haven't heard anyone use the word "splooge" in forever! this post had me laughing!!! great job on the homemade pasta it looks delicious :)
That is awesome! I CAN hear your squeal!!
And "splooge" is among my top favorite words. Well played.
And seriously, I have some friends that want to do the Doughnut Run next spring. I'm thinking we all get a big rental vehicle and road-trip it down there for the day!
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